What’s Your Kink? Understanding Your Journey…

I have been spending more time than usual reading about new toys and bondage supplies. Its not that toys are new to my world, far from, but more an interest in growing my personal collection.

I was talking with a friend of mine, a fellow sub, and she was asking a lot of questions. She is much newer to the kink scene, and has only ever used a toy once in her life, so there was some serious curiosity going on.

(Girl, if you’re reading this, you know I love your curiosity and I’m always here to talk it through and help answer questions if I can!!!!)

There was one question, however, that got me to thinking. She talked about how she had been reading up a lot about BDSM, and was having a hard time understanding ‘where she fit’. She went on to describe how one day she was reading about ‘Daddies’ and being cared for in that way, but on another day the blog that caught her eye was one of a sub discussing their recent punishment.

My question in response was simple, and left me wanting to pose this to the rest of you as well – Why do we have to choose? 

Why are we so determined that we have to fit into one neat little box? Maybe today I want fuzzy handcuffs and a silk scarf blindfold, and then tomorrow I’m all for a good flogging while the ropes holding my hands are tight enough that I am left with rope marks in my skin.

As long as you and your play partner maintain open communication, and stay honest with one another, then there is no need to limit the kinky fun that you can enjoy together!

Now I’m not saying don’t create limits and be honest if you are totally not into something… That’s an important part of the communication process, and having a clearly defined list of hard/soft limits is part of any healthy relationship. However, if you find that the activities, toys, kinks, etc that you both enjoy don’t fit into one nice little label, WHO CARES! Do you – Be you – Love you!

Don’t let societies needs to have a label for everything in life keep you from enjoying the things that turn your crank. Kink it up!

As for those within the community that feel the need to pass judgement (and I have definitely seen some of it) because someone’s view of ‘kink’ or ‘BDSM’ doesn’t line up with yours…. Seriously? Are we not already facing enough judgement from those outside the community that don’t ‘get it’? Why would we turn on one another?

I have hard limits, I have put my foot down with my Master when I’m not interested in an activity, and when I just plain can’t get into the mood for whatever reason, with whatever happens to be going on in my life at that time. That doesn’t make me any less a sub. She prefers some of the softer sides of BDSM, but does want to eventually have a chance to try some of the more ‘hardcore’ activities. Once again, that doesn’t make her any less a sub. This is a journey that is unique to each and every one of us, and the only person who needs to worry about what you are interested in is you and your play partner(s).

So let’s drop the bullshit, put the labels aside and stand together as a community. Encourage people to experiment, answer questions if people have them. Hell, if anyone is ever reading something on here and wants to know more, don’t hesitate to reach out!

Lets support each one another and our individual journeys in this amazing world of kink!

submission, submissive, bdsm

13 thoughts on “What’s Your Kink? Understanding Your Journey…

    1. If that helps someone individually than power to them for sure! I think my frustration more lies in the requirement to do so that many people feel, like you MUST figure out where you fit… I know early in my journey in BDSM that caused me a lot of stress

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well l can’t help in that area. If someone tells me to do something I do the opposite. So Iv a lot if respect for any sub, because the choice not to rebel would stress me!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s part of what I struggled with, and still struggle with, trying to understand. In my day to day life I’m a total Type A personality. If you say I can’t, I say watch me…. I don’t follow rules, I don’t like authority and hell if anyone is going to tell me what to do…. so when I found that I had a submissive side deep down and needed to figure out the balance with that it broke every ‘label’ I had been reading about.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Nope, I am 100% submissive in all things kink related 🙂 I think to a degree its the thrill of that being the one part of my life I don’t have to be in charge… there’s a rush to handing that control over, and the struggle in knowing that its not in my hands… and A LOT of trust in my Dom

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Fare enough. Just thought I’d ask. A lot of people I speak to say the same. They love handing power and control over


      5. Ask away! I am always open to questions from people 🙂 I really think that’s what it is – I have found someone that I trust enough I can let go of that control and that in and of itself turns me on… don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just let it all go with him in the beginning, its been an ongoing process


  1. Great message here, Sub D!!! A peer here on WordPress just mentioned today how the BDSM world is actually fairly closed minded, trying to fit everyone in little boxes. It seems like you may be getting at a similar concept. For the first few months, I kept trying to figure out if we were D/s, DD, BDSM…all of the above…and then I realized, what the heck does it matter? Daddy and I are making our marriage what we want it to be.
    Again, great post!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you and you’re right – what does it matter??? When I first got involved with the community I also had the struggle of trying to figure out where I fit in. The truth is, as long as my Dom and I are on the same page, why should it matter to anyone else?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Labels and boxes don’t belong in life in general, and should be banned from BDSM. Unfortunately as in all human interactions, some can’t resist running around with a label gun marking everyone in sight. Don’t let other peoples’ hangups force you into changing your dynamic with your Master.

    Liked by 1 person

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