The Importance of Trust and Respect

I spent a good part off today exploring new blogs. Every few weeks I go on this mission to discover new, likeminded bloggers. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the regular blogs I follow (you know who you are) but the beauty of blogging is the chance to connect with people the world over!

Today’s experience was less than productive however, what I found instead was some disturbing trends. While I knew this type of thinking existed (and has been encouraged by books like Fifty Shades) it always leaves me rolling my eyes and shaking my head when I come across it again…

So, lets get something straight: Healthy BDSM relationships are built on a foundation of trust and respect… Not only do you respect your Dom, YOUR DOM MUST RESPECT YOU!

Please don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap where you are excusing his behaviour simply due to the fact that you define your relationship as being part of the BDSM spectrum of dynamics. Yes, we may include some aspects of our relationships that are hard to understand for those outside the community, but everything we do is consensual and with a genuine care for the well being of one another throughout the course of play.

If he refuses to discuss limits or desires, refuses to respect any limits you have communicated, pushes you to do things that you are not comfortable doing, makes you feel guilty through manipulation, such as telling you that you are not a ‘true’ sub unless…., or leaves you feeling unwanted or unattractive that is NOT an example of a BDSM relationship, that is ABUSE.

Don’t allow yourself to be belittled, used, disrespected or under valued. A true Dom will make you feel loved, cherished, safe and cared for. If you are ever genuinely uncomfortable, they will do everything in their power to protect and care for you. They take their roll and their relationships seriously.

If you are unsure, PLEASE reach out and have a genuine conversation with someone in the BDSM community. Most of us are a message away in a case like this! It can be hard to navigate and understand, especially if you are new to the community and therefore do not have a lot of experience. Read up on what a healthy relationship consists of, follow blogs of some of us who share our lifestyles, comment, ask questions, communicate…

We don’t bite… Hard…

But seriously, Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. If he can’t treat you with respect, and leave you feeling safe and loved, then keep looking! There are still some great ones out there! Familiarize yourself with the red flags I listed above, and if you see them popping up, run, don’t walk, to your nearest exit!