Glossary

This is in no way inclusive of even a small portion of the terms that may come up, and I will be adding to this as my posts warrant it!

Aftercare: Following an intense BDSM activity, this is a period of time in which the dominant partner cares for their submissive. Depending on the intensity of the play, the submissive partner may require a safe psychological place to unwind and recover, and this provides them that safe space.

Anilingus: Any activity involving kissing, licking or tonguing another person’s anus.

Ass Play/Anal Play: Any act involving the sexual stimulation of the anus including anal sex and anilingus.

Ball Gag: A gag consisting of a ball which is placed securely in the mouth, attached to a strap which is placed around the head, holding it securely in place.

BDSM: A composite acronym for ‘B&D’ (bondage & discipline), ‘D&S’ (dominance & submission) and ‘S&M’ (sadomasochism). This term is used to describe all consensual activities or lifestyles between adults which include some or all of these things. This refers to any situation that includes erotic power exchange, dominance and submission, pain play, bondage, sensation play or anything that relates to these activities.

Belting: The practice of striking a person with a belt, or any long, narrow, belt-like strap.

Blindfold: Any device used to prevent a person from seeing by covering the eyes.

Bondage: Any practice which involves tying, restraining or securing a person, such as with ropes, cuffs, chains, or other such restraints. Restraint bondage is the most common type of bondage, using restraints in order to immobilize a person. Stimulation bondage involves tying a person in a way that the subject is not immobilized, however the ropes or ties shift with movement and move against the body, often in sensitive or erogenous areas.

Bondage Bunny: A person who enjoys being tied or bound. This term implies that the person is not necessarily submissive or masochistic, but enjoys bondage as he or she takes pleasure from being restrained.

Bondage Tape: A vinyl tape, available in a number of colours, which sticks only to itself, but not to other materials such as skin or clothing.

Bottom:  A person who receives spankings, floggings or other forms of stimulation in situations which specifically exclude power exchange. A bottom does not give up authority and may control exactly how, under which circumstances, and to what degree he or she receives some form of stimulation.

Breast Bondage: A specific form of bondage which involves binding around or over the breasts.

Bukkake: A sexual practice, which originated in Japan, during which a large number of men masturbate and ejaculate onto a person.

Butt Plug: A sex toy that is intended for anal stimulation, consisting of a flared dildo, usually relatively short, with a wide base, designed to remain securely in the anus until removed.

Clit Clip (also, Clit Jewelry): A piece of jewelry, often in the form of a springy clip, that is designed to be affixed to the clitoris, providing constant clitoral stimulation for as long as it is worn. Frequently they involve a ball, crystal, gemstone, or other decorative element which rests directly on the clitoris while it is worn, providing additional stimulation.

Clover Clamp: A specific type of nipple clamp consisting of a clamp with a lever mechanism to which a chain or cord is attached in such a way that pulling on the chain or cord increases pressure on the clamp.

Collar: An item that is worm around the neck, sometimes equipped with a locking device to prevent its removal, and often worn as a symbol of submission. Outside of the BDSM Community some people associate collars solely with animals or pets, and thus believe that it is a sign of humiliation, or that it is used to dehumanize a submissive. The symbolic value of a collar, however, is completely different, representing a committed, long-term relationship of some kind with a Dominant.

Contract: A mutually negotiated, written agreement between a Dominant and a submissive, outlining the submissive’s limits, the rules of the Dominant and the activities that the participants wish to explore.

Crop (also, Riding Crop): A thin, flexible tool that is used or striking. It consists of a rigid, but flexible shaft wrapped with leather or a similar material, with a handle at one end and, often, a small leather loop at the other.

Cuff: Any restraint which has a band, or band-like structure, which may be made of metal or a flexible material, such as canvas or leather, intended to be strapped or locked around an extremity such as a wrist or ankle for the purpose of securing or immobilizing it.

Discipline: Any activity in which one person trains another person to act or behave in a specified way, often by enforcing rigid codes of conduct or by inflicting punishment for failure to behave in the prescribed way.

Dominant: A person who assumes a role of power or authority in a power exchange relationship. A dominant takes psychological control over, or has power over, another person, and may, for example, give that person orders which are to be obeyed.

Dungeon: Any space specifically set up for BDSM activities, often equipped specifically for BDSM play. This may include furniture such as racks, crosses and the like.

Edging: The practice of sexually stimulating an individual (either one’s self or another person) to the near point of orgasm, often repeatedly, without allowing orgasm. This can be done to create an intense state of arousal, to tease and frustrate the person being edged, and/or as a form of control.

Exhibitionist: One who is sexually aroused by showing others his or her body, or by being watched, specifically in a sexual setting or while engaged in sexual activity.

Fisting: The practice of inserting the entire hand into the vagina, or (less commonly) into the anus. The fingers are placed together and inserted slowly (not inserted as a fist). As the hand is inserted, the fingers tend to curl into a loose ball.

Flogger: An implement used to strike a person, consisting of a handle with multiple lashes attached to it. The lashes are typically made of leather, but may also be made of materials such as rope, suede or horsehair.

Gag: Any object or device that is designed to be placed in the mouth, most commonly to prevent a person from speaking or making loud sounds, sometimes to hold the mouth open.

Hard Limit: A limit which is considered to be absolute, inflexible, and non-negotiable.

Impact Play: Any activity involving striking or hitting, such as flogging, spanking or whipping.

Masochist: An individual who experiences arousal, excitement or sexual gratification from receiving pain. They do not experience arousal at all forms of pain; stubbing a toe, for example, is unlikely to be arousing. The context of the pain is important.

Nipple Clamp: Any clamp, or clamp-like device, designed to be clamped to a subject’s nipples. They may include a mechanism for adjusting, or limiting, the amount of pressure applied to the nipple. A great example of a cheap, and easily accessible, nipple clamp are clothespins!

Orgasm Control (also, Orgasm Denial): The practice whereby one person is not permitted to reach sexual orgasm without the permission of another person, or for a fixed period of time, or sometimes at all, even though that person may be permitted (or required) to engage in sexual activity.

Paddle: Any stiff, hard implement, often made of wood, used for striking a person, most commonly on the buttocks.

Power Exchange: Any situation in which two or more people consensually and voluntarily agree to a power relationship in which one (or more) people assume authority, and one (or more) people yield authority. This relationship may be a predetermined time, or indefinite. Relationships based on indefinite power exchange are often referred to as TPE relationships. The defining factor of power exchange it the conscious, deliberate construction of a power dynamic in which at least one person assumes psychological control to some agreed-upon extent over at least one other person.

Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK): A loosely defined code of conduct in the BDSM community which holds that a given activity is ethically acceptable between adults so long as everyone involved is aware of the risks involved, if any, and gives informed consent to that activity. The idea behind “risk aware consensual kink” is an acknowledgement of the fact that some BDSM activities may involve risk of injury, and that as long as all the participants are aware of any risk and consent to the activity, the activity is ethical.

Sadist: One who is aroused, excited or receives sexual gratification from inflicting pain on another. For most sadists, the pleasure relies on knowing that the subject is also enjoying the experience.

Sadomasochism: Any activity, or practice, involving the inflicting, or receiving, of pain. Otherwise known as pain play.

Safeword: A “code word” agreed upon prior to any BDSM play which a submissive can use to stop an ongoing activity if it becomes too much. Safewords are especially important in situations such as resistance play, where the submissive may be expected to struggle or resist and where the word “no” might not actually mean no. In such cases, for safety’s sake, its often helpful to have some word that does mean “no,” and is a world that is unlikely to come up otherwise.

Soft Limit: A limit which is not necessarily set in stone, but which may be flexible or may change over time.

Spank: To strike on the buttocks, either with an open hand or with a paddle.

Spanking Bench: A low bench, often padded and often equipped with restraints or tie-down points, over which a person can be bent or tied and spanked or flogged.

Submissive: An individual who assumes a role of submission in a power exchange relationship. A submissive is a person who seeks a position of, or occupies a role of intentional, consensual powerlessness, allowing another person to take control over him or her.

Subspace: A state of mind that a submissive may enter, specifically after intense activities, characterized by euphoria, bliss, a strong feeling of well-being or even a state similar to intoxication. This is thought to be related to the release of endorphins in the brain. The euphoria associated with subspace may last for hours or sometimes even days after the activity ceases.

Submit: To give up power or control. A person who gives up power of psychological control to another is said to submit to that person.

Top: An individual who administers some form of stimulation, such as spankings, floggings, or some other kind of stimulation on another person but does not have psychological control or power over that person.

Total Power Exchange (TPE): A relationship in which one person surrenders control to another person for an indefinite duration, and in which the relationship is defined by the fact that one person is always dominant and the other is always submissive. This is one of the more extreme forms of power exchange.

Tweezer Clamps: A type of nipple clamp that consists of long, thin, tweezer-like clamps made of flexible spring steel, with a ring which can be used to adjust their tightness. Among the mildest of all forms of nipple clamps, typically causing little or no pain.

Vanilla: Not interested in, or involved with, BDSM or activities related to BDSM; as, a vanilla person.